US MARSHALS

This week I had the pleasure (or displeasure) of Jury Duty. Thankfully, I escaped my first run at the New York court system unscathed. As I filled out my final release papers for Jury Duty my eyes landed on the warning at the bottom of the sheet in bold caps; "THIS IS YOUR DUTY. FAILURE TO SUBMIT THIS PAPERWORK WILL RESULT IN ARREST BY US MARSHAL." Really? I know that the main role of US Marshals is to protect court officers and buildings and to ensure the effective operations of the judicial system, but arrest little ole me If I don't fill out my paperwork? You've gotta be joking! Aren't there more pressing issues in the tri-state area, like trying to catch Tony Soprano before he tosses another gangster in the Hudson? At any rate, I obeyed the law and mild threat, tossed my forms in the mailbox and stepped into another new New York experience...shopping at Marshals. While the mixed bag of goblins hanging out in front of the store normally would send me screaming, I knew the law would protect me if anything happened. Once inside the doors I was smacked across the face by the stench of dirty sneakers, sweaty armpits and bad breath. Like a trained armed guard, I pushed through the crowd and saved my wallet from dying a fast, painful death. If you can withstand the unorganized, discheveled interior, you'll find a world of savings on everything from pots and pans to lamps and Christmas decorations. I recently purchased Spode dinner plates for $16.99 each and was pleased (and pissed) to find them at Marshals for $7.99! Le Cruset stock pots were 75% less than retail and the cool lamps WITH shades above I picked up for $15! Don't sue me for saying it, but I'm in love with a Marshal!
TIME TO COMPLETE TASK: From what I've seen, you can't order anything online and the website leaves a lot to be desired, but they're all over the country.
COST: Lamps for $15 and Spode China Christmas plates for $7.99!
STRESS LEVEL: Feeling happy with a US Marshal: LOW